Holiday's Ending

A typical day during the holidays would be waking up late like a boss, having brunch instead of a proper breakfast and lunch, sitting back and relaxing on my bed, and just basically looking up the immensely gorgeous sky outside the window. 

 Waking up by the sudden chill of the fan, or maybe the sun. Yeap, that's a normal everyday look of my temporary bedroom. The sajdah on the carpet, the smell of the strong oud insence, books piled up.

Well, my boring days weren't just all about that. Of course, I had to do something. Something that I can immerse myself into and get lost inside this unknown psychedelic world. So, I grabbed my sketch book and started pointing the ink wherever my mind leads it to. I was succumb to the idea of relentlessly searching for images or any item that inspired me to draw. Started off with fashion-related illustrations, then I tamed myself towards portraits. 

 At times, I'd have sleepless nights just so I could finish up some of the sketches. Pardon me, some of the angles of the images taken do not look like it should have. But, whatever.. I'm gonna continue drawing!

Silly Dreams of Mine

I want to be able to travel the world, and take magnificent photos of anything that's inspiring to my eyes. Anything, from scenery to people to shops, anything that crosses my eyes. I'm going to take as many photos as I want and stamp them at the walls of my studio. A huge white wall filled with just photos, clipped among each other, from photos of me meeting strangers on the streets to colors of the rainbow on a random hill. I do imagine a lot. I dream a lot.

I want to be able to walk, and explore the streets and the still air so I'll recognize the scenes as I tell stories of my  adventures to my children. Meet and greet with friendly faces of an old city, ancient as it may seem, I love how authentic and real a place can be, the rawness of the lives and souls that have lived there. Some people search for money, and endless fame, and all of that. I mean, who am I kidding, everyone longs for that, even myself. But I long more to continue inspire my soul, to feed it with the love of art.

Be it, visiting places or challenging myself to do things I'd thought I'd never be able to, I just want to leave this earth with a meaning. I want my life to mean something. I don't care with the issue of making mistakes, 'cuz we humans are inevitable towards that. We make mistakes, we should give more and we should love more.

 I want to be able to just focus on my dreams, and fall in love at the same time. I need to learn more of it, the true meaning of it, not just having any silly and short relationships. I want something real, something that can teach and guide me thoroughly. I lack the experience in this area, to be honest, that's why I need something that can take me on a crazy journey, to commit to it, and not to run away from it. I love the idea of having countless white canvases waiting in a room for me to be painted. Messy stained clothes hanging on chairs, colored paint brushes on the table, two or three wooden palettes beside the window panes. Just my paintings and I, that's enough to keep me content.

Photos Courtesy of ; www.abduzeedo.com

That's A Wrap!

As a recap of 2011, people generally would start babbling about striving for the better in almost everything. "I'm gonna lose 10 kg this year, I shall start falling in love, no fears no regrets." Then, before you know it, the next year, they end up saying the same things all over again.

Putting aside all of that, this year has been yet, tremendous. Well, at least for me. Alhamdulillah. Screw twitter for the over capacity at this moment, as I'm writing. Screw facebook, I deactivated my account. I remember on the 31st, exactly last year, my peeps and I gathered at a friend's house for her farewell party and cruised off to a nearby hill to see the fireworks together. It was indeed a tear-jerking moment. To actually stand there with my old friends, and to look back at how far we've come. I loved that feeling.

Not knowing what the year ahead had to offer, I stood there innocently. And today, I'm left here in my room, writing about it. No going out, no celebrating, just my laptop and I. Writing, continuously writing my minds off while everyone out there hassling to see the big shows.

Turning 18

As much as i'd like to fight these feelings, they just come back to haunt me over and over again. I don't have a specific term to describe this dimension I've been thrown into. Is it real or is it just a fantasy that my mind created out of utter innocence. I want to talk about me first, about what I'm experiencing now. I don't know how long it'll last, though I am sure it's going to stick around for a while. Until I figure out what exactly it's trying to tell me. If I fall hard, I'll fall pretty hard that I'll get myself hurt and scarred. Is it a chance that I should take? Or am I just going to fall into the same pattern? Demeaning it is, delirious it seems. I'd rather brush it off before I think more about it. The more I care, the more it hurts. I hope someday there will be the ultimate closure for this, something that could confirm what I've felt for the past few months is real.

Less Sleep

I've been drowning myself with food up to a point where even my long time peeps could notice the growing and expansion of both my cheeks. It's pretty difficult for me to gain weight, actually. No matter how much I consume, I would burn most of it later on. Well, I guess that's what they say about holidays, the amount of shoving food down your throat and sleeping are almost equivalent, exceeding any other beneficial activities, leading to freezing of fats in all the wrong places.

College's starting in less than a week. After almost a month of holiday, I am still clueless of what to expect for this coming semester. It sure has been a crazy ride for the past 5 months, that I wouldn't deny. Things would seem like they're about to blow out of proportions, and they do but that's just the beauty of it.

Balloons have always captured me in a way that they can just glide innocently through the thin air. I've fallen in love with the idea of releasing loads of colorful ones into the sky, ever since I saw this video of an intensely heartbreaking story of a sick baby named Elliot, years ago where his parents released 99 balloons into the air when he passed away. It has since become a dream of mine to gather my friends at a beautiful vast field of lavender flowers and simply let go off balloons as the sun rays fall on our faces. Looking up at the authenticity of the true blue sky, and pops of various colors of balloons start filling it up. Wouldn't it be so calming to set yourself free for a while and appreciate. To just have a moment to appreciation.

Till then.

A Moment of Appreciation

Paid a visit to two of the iconic places here, which were the National Mosque and the Islamic Arts Museum, both truly captured the true essence of Islam, architecture-wise. Went there with my old folks a few months back, so I decided to post some of the photos that were taken.

I Can't Deny

You know, I've always been surrounded by extremely loud people. I just don't seem to understand or clarify myself as to why it is always like that. I would like to consider myself as a less of a talker, more of a thinker. Pfft. But it's true, I don't really talk much unless if I'm with my usual people. To say myself as an observer would be quite of a bullsh*t, as I gladly declare myself as an oblivious human being.

It is as if I will never get away from these specific type of flamboyant group of people. They might not come from the same era of time when I got to know them, but they are quite similar in characteristics. Don't get me wrong, I adore them. I more than adore them. They are loud enough for people to hate on them, but in the end, they get around more. They last longer than those haters. They just get more people to talk more about them. Look, I'm not trying to make an analysis out of my boisterous peeps, but one thing I learnt from them is that you can never go wrong with speaking out for yourself. Be bold and never look back on your past. Stay true to yourself and don't shove people away to get where you want to be, but just walk faster and mind your own business. Even the vibe they let out when one enters a room, people would be like.. "Oh you got attitude, but people seem to be drawn to it,".

“Being safe is boring. Being boring is forgettable.”

—

Joe Zee.

It's not that imperative or crucial to create chaos where ever you go, just don't be a fake, that's all. In reality, we have to stay real as possible to leave a mark. Some people just can't stop talking, but the more they talk, that's when others will realize he or she has a point, that they actually have a clear vision. Well, on the contrary, it's not always going to be easy when your intention is to voice out your thought, and all you get is a big splash of "You're a joke,". I guess that's how they get around, by multiple rejections and contradictions. Honestly, they're the toughest people I know. They stayed firm on the ground and held the harsh wind like warriors.

You could be daring or audacious or simply borderline annoying, as long as you do it right.

Need I say more about this man?